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Surrogacy Blog: News & Updates

Explaining surrogacy to your children

9/16/2019

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If you’re a surrogate, or in the process of becoming a surrogate, or simply just wondering… How in the world do surrogates explain the pregnancy to their children? Well, most know that surrogacy agencies require a surrogate to have birthed one or two children of her own before becoming a surrogate for someone else. There are a number of reasons for this requirement. First and for most, having had previous experience with a pregnancy helps you know what to expect from your body and how to handle any challenges that may come along. In addition, the fact that you already have had a successful pregnancy makes it more likely that you will have a successful pregnancy with the baby you are carrying for the intended parents. We require a medical screening of all our surrogates because they are accepted into our program.

As a gestational surrogate, you may face the dilemma of what to tell your children about the baby growing inside you! It can be confusing for little ones to understand a complex concept like surrogacy, but if you keep it simple and stick with the basics, your children should come to understand all that they need to about your pregnancy. Here are some ideas for explaining surrogacy to your kids.

For younger children
When you explain surrogacy to a toddler or preschooler, keep the words a simple as possible. You could tell it in the form of a story. “Once upon a time, there were two people who wanted very much to have a little baby of their own. They wanted to have a child, but they couldn’t. So your mommy decided to carry their baby in her tummy for them for a while. When the baby is big enough to come out into the world, it will go and live with this very special family, and they will be so happy!” There is several wonderful picture books out there to read to your little ones.

For older children
If you have a couple of older kids, you face a new set of challenges explaining the pregnancy. Your oldest child has seen you pregnant before. The last time, that pregnancy resulted in a sibling. You’ll need to explain very clearly that the baby is for a different set of parents.  Your child may be concerned that you are giving away a brother or sister, simply because you don’t want to keep it; so you need to clarify that this is not a baby made by you and that you are simply just a kangaroo pouch, but this is a  very special baby made for  another family. Explain that the other mom’s tummy could not grow the baby, so you offered to give them a very special gift and grow their baby for them until it is ready to enter the world and join their family.
An older child may be able to understand terms like “incubator” or “oven,” images that help them grasp the concept of surrogacy and its temporary nature. You can also refer to yourself as the “extended babysitter” for the intended parents. Introduce your children to the Intended Parents; this will help them understand who the baby actually belongs too.

Reassurance and Love
No matter what your child’s age may be, he or she may develop a fear of being given away someday, as you plan to give the intended parents’ baby to them. When you explain surrogacy the first time, and at other times in the future, express your deep love and commitment to your children. Let them know that you planned for them, wished for them, and will keep them forever. Often time’s children get very excited for the Intended Parents. They see the bond their mommy has with the Intended Parents and how excited they are to meet their baby!

Golden State Surrogacy CEO, Shannon’s personal surrogacy journeys.
At the time my son was only five years old and my daughter was just turning two. They didn’t really understand surrogacy at all, but why would they?  My son knew I was having a baby for a great friend because her belly didn’t work like mine. I introduced my children to the families I carried for. We would often get together for lunch, celebrate holidays together, or simply send pictures back and forth to each other. My kids knew the Intended Parents as friends and once the baby came they were just happy to have me back home. Our daily routine never changed too much, and once the babies were healthy enough to meet my children, they did! Today I am lucky to say that my children love seeing pictures of our “surro babies” and know that they are just like any other child who is loved!
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Egg Donation & telling your children

9/6/2019

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Egg Donation Story Books

DO YOU KNOW—Most Common Concerns Intended Parents Have about Donor Conception Millions of people dream of having a baby but struggle for years with infertility or seek other unconventional ways to build a family. In an era of new options in reproductive medicine, many couples are using a third person’s egg, sperm, or embryo to conceive. Having a child with another person’s genetics is complex. Couples have concerns about how donor conception will affect their future family life, especially their child. Confusion and fear can leave parents feeling unequipped on this path to parenthood. Shame and unresolved grief about infertility create silence around a controversial topic that needs a voice. Secrets can hurt a family. A fertility counselor addresses your urgent questions: •Why should we tell our child we’re not genetically related?
•How do we tell our child about donor conception? And when is the best time?
•What if my child is upset?
•What if I don’t feel like the real parent?
•Will others treat our family differently?
•Should we keep the donor a secret?

You can learn to overcome fears that make you want to keep a secret—yet maintain your family’s privacy. These book offers education and awareness so parents can guide their donor-conceived children through various stages of development with age-appropriate conversations.
 
 
1. The Pea that was Me- Kimberly Kluger-Bell
Struggling with how to tell your child about their egg donor? This acclaimed children's picture book (3-5 years old) makes it incredibly easy to start talking with your child about the special way they came into the world.
 
2. You were made for me – Sheri Sturniolo
A children's book that takes a look into the unique and wonderful ways some families are made, and the journey of love that brings them together.
 
3. Happy Together – Julie Marie
A story told through clear language and cheerful illustrations, readers will join Mommy and Daddy bear on the journey to fulfill their greatest wish of becoming parents. With help from a doctor, an egg from a special lady called a donor and Daddy’s seed.
 
4. A tiny itsy bitsy gift of life - Carmen Martinez-Jover
This touching story of how a happy couple of rabbits have their own baby by means of egg donation. Using rabbits in this story enables children to easily understand their conception in a simple and loving way.

5. Wish - Matthew Cordell
As an elephant couple embarks on a life together, thoughts of children are far away-at first. But as the desire for a child grows, so do unexpected challenges. Parents want their babies to know how much they fought to bring them here into this world and how much they are really loved and wanted. This book will do it.

6. A very special lady – Nell Carswell, Pauline Haas
A delightfully simple story about ivf, an egg donor and the arrival of a baby girl. Fabulous pictures make it ideal for very young children and a simple story makes it perfect for older children to read. Without forgetting "the Very Special Lady" that made it possible.
 
7. How we become a family - Teresa Villegas
 
To build a family, first of all you need love. But how do you talk with your child about their in vitro origins? How do you tell your children they were conceived with the help of a donor? This is the perfect book to explain to your small children how they came into this world.
 
 

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    Shannon Landis

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Our mission at Surrogacy Journeys is providing exceptional services for families who acquire guidance to become parents. We thrive to make your journey to parenthood as smooth as possible with our experienced and compassionate on call team.
美国金州代孕公司(加利福尼亚州专业合法注册的代孕服务公司,名称由来是源自加州早年淘金热得来的别名“金州”)的使命是为指导和帮助想要成为父母的家庭提供卓越的服务。我们具有专业和富有爱心的团队随时为您服务,让您的父母之旅尽可能的顺利。

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  • Home
  • Intended Parents
    • FAQ for Intended Parents
    • International Surrogacy
    • Surrogacy in California
  • Surrogates
    • Surrogacy Process
    • How Does Surrogacy Work
    • Surrogate Qualifications
    • Become a Surrogate
    • Refer a Friend
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Blog
  • 家
  • 预期的父母
    • 预期父母的常见问题解答
    • 国际家长
    • 在美国的代孕 - Surrogacy in the USA
  • 代孕
    • 代孕的步骤
    • 代理人的常见问题解答
    • 代理资格
    • 代理申请
    • 介绍个朋友
  • 关于我们
  • 联系我们
  • 博客